Joke time muna tayo!!!
Tayo ay magtawanan muna, upang araw natin ay sumigla at makaiwas pansamantala sa mga problema. Kaya kung may mga joke kayo na mga nakakatawa, dito ay i-pose niyo na. Siguraduhin niyo lang na nakakatawa, at baka kayo ang pagtatawanan at makadagdag pa kayo sa mga problema ng iba. 🙂
Kaya halina kayo, tayo’y mag Joke time na muna!
Sisonian's Blog 
February 23, 2009 at 2:17 am
Dalawang holdaper sa bangko:
Holdaper #1: Yehey! Mayaman na tayo!
Holdaper #2: Bilangin mo na!
Holdaper #1: Alam mo namang mahina ako sa math. Abangan na lang natin sa balita kung magkano!
February 23, 2009 at 2:42 am
ANAK: ‘ Tay , penge ng pera. May project kami. Bibili ako
ng ‘cocomban’.
TATAY: Ano ka ba naman. Hangga ngayon ‘cocomban’ pa rin ang tawag mo!
ANAK: Ano po ba ang tama?
TATAY: Bomb paper!
February 23, 2009 at 6:26 pm
LOL, Those are funny! More please… 🙂
October 27, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Huh? Yun lang natawa ka na? naturingan ka pa namang IT Guy! IT ka ba talaga o IT-namaan ng lintek? hahahaha..Peace Bro!
February 23, 2009 at 6:34 pm
Tanga 1: Ano bang hinahanap mo diyan sa supot ng 3-in-1
coffee. Kanina ka pa silip nang silip diyan.
Tanga 2: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal. Nakasulat kasi sa
karton ‘SUGAR FREE.’
June 4, 2009 at 3:04 pm
Anak: Wow! Ang ganda naman ng bracelet mo Nay, galing kay Tatay yan?
Nanay: Hay naku! Hindi galing sa Tatay mo eto. Dahil kung i-aasa ko lahat sa Tatay mo, baka pati ikaw wala dito sa mundo.
October 27, 2009 at 3:30 pm
What is the essence sa joke nato? Weird huh? Eto ang joke ok?
Manang: Kakain ka utoy?
Utoy: Magkano po isang order?
Manang: Mura lang, libre na ang kanin at sabaw.
Utoy: Ah ganun po ba wow naman ayos po ha, isang kanin nga po at isang sabaw.
October 28, 2009 at 4:48 pm
tagasison, bading ka ba? lol..
October 29, 2009 at 5:39 pm
At a funeral…
ERAP: Tara na, Jinggoy. Alis na tayo!
JINGGOY: Kararating pa lang natin ah!
ERAP: Naku mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo oh! ‘REMAINS WILL BE CREMATED.’
October 29, 2009 at 5:40 pm
JUAN: Pare, ang bilis kong nabuo ‘tong puzzle!
PEDRO: Talaga? Gaano kabilis?
JUAN: 5 months!
PEDRO: Tagal naman!
JUAN: Tagal ba ‘yun? Nakalagay nga dito: ‘for 3 years & up’
October 29, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Bobo: pare hulaan mo ugali ko, nagsisimula ng letter A
Pare: approachable?
Bobo: mali
Pare: amiable
Bobo: mali pa rin
Pare: o sige, sirit na nga
Bobo: Anest
Policeman arresting a prostitute
Prosti: I am not selling sex
Police: Then what are you doing?
Prosti: I’m a saleswoman selling condoms with free demo.
Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?
Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants.. ..we have sisig, kilawin, chicharon, mani
Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka, Boy Bawang (cornik).
Tindero: Hoy, bili ka gatas ng baka. P10 piso lang isang baso
Manong: Ang mahal naman, may tig piso lang ba nyan?
Tindero: Meron po, pero kayo na po ang dumede sa baka.
Kodigo
Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante.. .
Guro: Ano ‘to?
Estudyante: Prayer ko po, ma’am!
Guro: At bakit answers ang nakasulat?
Estudyante: Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko!
SIOPAO
Kulas: Miss, isa ngang siopao… ‘yung babae.
Waitress: Babaeng siopao?
Kulas: Oo. ‘Yung may papel na sapin. Kumbaga, napkin.
Waitress: Ahh, ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito.
Kulas: Lalaki?
Waitress:Kasi po, may itlog sa loob.
A Chemistry teacher asked a sexy student, ‘What are NITRATES?
The student replied shyly, ‘Ma’am, sa motel po.
NITRATES are higher than day rates!’
WHO’S GUILTY?
Wife dreaming in the middle of the night
suddenly shouts, ‘Quick, my husband is back!’
Man gets up, jumps out the window and realizes, ‘Damn! I AM the
husband!’
Toto: Pangarap ko, kumita ng P250,000 monthly gaya ni daddy!
Juvy: Wow! Ganyan kalaki ang kinikita ng daddy mo?
Toto: Hindi! ‘Yan din ang pangarap niya!
Lito: Pare, ano ba ang kaibahan ng H2O sa CO2?
Joseph: Diyos ko naman! Di mo ba alam ‘yun?!
Ang H2O ay water! At
ang CO2… cold water.
Usapan ng dalawang bata…
Junjun: Magaling ang tatay ko! Alam mo, ‘yang
Pacific Ocean , siya ang humukay nun!
Pedrito: Wala ‘yan sa tatay ko! Alam mo, yung Dead Sea ?
Junjun: Oo…
Pedrito: Siya ang pumatay nun!
Stewardess: Do you want a drink, sir?
Sir: What are my choices?
Stewardess: Yes or No.
Misis: Delayed ako nang one month pero huwag mo munang
ipagsabi. Nahihiya ako…
Mister: Okey.
Kinabukasan, dumating ang taga-Meralco. ..
Taga-Meralco: Misis, delayed po kayo ng one month.
Misis: Ha? Bakit mo alam?
Taga-Meralco: Nasa record po.
Mister: Bakit naka-record diyan na delayed ang misis ko?
Taga-Meralco: Kung gusto ninyong mawala sa record, magbayad kayo!
Mister: Eh kung ayokong magbayad?
Taga-Meralco: Puputulan kayo!
Mister: Eh anong gagamitin ni misis?
Tag-Meralco: Pwede naman siyang gumamit ng kandila.
Advantage at disadvantage ng may-asawa…
ADVANTAGE: ‘Pag kailangan mo, nandiyan agad.
DISADVANTAGE: ‘Pag ayaw mo na, andiyan pa rin!
What is the difference between a girlfriend, a call girl and a wife?
Sagot: Post paid, pre paid, unlimited.
October 29, 2009 at 10:40 pm
YES! Ayan oh di binaha tayo ng jokes, thanks tagacentro… more pls…
October 31, 2009 at 8:07 pm
Mrs. Tanoy is very kuripot When her husband died, she inquired with the newspaper, asking the price for the obituary.
The ad taker said: ‘300 pesos for 5 words.’
She said: ‘Pwede ba 2 words lang? ‘Tanoy dead”
Ad taker: ‘No mam. 5 words is the minimum.’
After thinking for a while, Mrs. Tanoy said: ‘Ok, para sulit, ilagay mo,
‘TANOY DEAD, TOYOTA FOR SALE ‘
———— ——— ——— ——— ———
Boy: Nay may ulam ba?
Nanay: Tignan mo na lang dyan sa ref, anak.
Boy: Eh wala naman tayong ref, di ba?
Nanay: O, e di wala tayong ulam. Konting common sense naman dyan!
———— ——— ——— ——— ———
Caloy: Tay ,di ba sabi mo bibigyan mo ko ng P100 pag pumasa ako sa Math?
Tatay: Oo. Bakit, pumasa ka ba?
Caloy: Gud news, tay! Di ka na gagastos ng P100.
————
Man at 33 quits smoking. Will Power;
At 43, quits drinking. Will Power;
At 53, quits gambling. Will Power;
At 63, quits having sex. Power Failure.
———— ——— ——— ——— ———
Kano (trying to speak Tagalog): Meg-kanow isang kilow mang-gow?
Tindero: One way.
Kano: Meg-kanow?
Tindero: I sed ONE WAY.
Kano: Aynowng ibig sabeyhin ng one way?
Tindero: Isang daan. Understang?!
———— ——— ——— ——— ———
Erap: Kalokohan! Di ako naniniwala! Walang taong ganun kataba!
Loi: San ang balitang yan?
Erap: Dito sa dyaryo. Sabi; ‘British tourist lost 2000 pounds.’
———— ——— ——— ——— ———
MMDA (with pen and ticket to a traffic violator): Name?
Foreigner Driver: Wilhelm Von Corgrinski Papakovitz.
MMDA: Ahhh okay…(sabay tago ticket)…Next time be careful, ok?
———— ——— ——— ——— ———
Nag-aapply si Tomas na security guard…
Interviewer: Ang kailangan namin ay taong laging may suspicious mind, highly alert,
insistent personality, strong sense of hearing with a killer instinct. Sa tingin mo ba qualified ka?
Tomas: Sa palagay ko po hindi. Pwede po bang yun misis ko nalang ang mag-apply?
———— —–
Always remember, when SHE cancels a date, she HAS TO.
But….when HE cancels a date…… he HAS TWO.
———— ——— ——— ——— ———
Junior: Nay, bibili ako ng HIGH CAKE.
Nanay: Hindi high cake, anak. HOT CAKE yun.
Junior: Ok nay, watever. Pahingi nalang ng barya.
Nanay: Sige, kumuha ka nalang dyan sa SOLDIER BAG ko.
———— ——— ——— –
Pasyente … magkano ang facelift?
Doktora … complete treatment ay P145,000
Pasyente … mahal!!! ano bang pinakamurang treatment para magmukha akong bata?
Doktora … heto tsupon, P20 lang!!
———— ———
Customer … waiter! bakit ang tagal ng order ko? ilan ang cook nyo dito?
Waiter … ay, sir, wala pu kame cuk dito…pipse lang po!!
———— ——— ——-
Pasyente … Doc, may problema ako…tuwing alas otso ng umaga dumudumi ako…
Doktor … so, anong problema doon?
Pasyente … Eh alas nuwebe po ako nagigising.
———— ——— ——–
A man was carrying 3 babies in a train.
Lady sitting next asked, ‘are they your babies?’
Man: ‘No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints!’
———— ———
A lawyer driving on a highway notices a crowd in an intersection.
With his urge to get into the thick crowd and see the action, he shouted,
‘I AM THE SON OF THE VICTIM.’
Upon hearing, the people made way for him to get through.
There he saw, bloody and helpless lying in front of the people…a pig bumped by a trailer truck!
———— ——— –
MANNY PAKYAW
Reporter … Manny, anong bill ang gagawin mo kapag congressman ka na?
Manny … Ano’ng bill? yung tomotonog pagkataposng bawa’t round sa bukseng?
———— ——— —-
Lola … Amang, wala akong pera!
Holdaper … Alam ko kung asan ang pera mo…[sabay pasok ng kamay sa bra ni Lola]
Lola … Ituloy mo iho, may dollars pa sa ibaba!!
October 31, 2009 at 8:18 pm
1. Yaya buys food at McDo.
Crew: “Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?”
Yaya: “Puwede sa table?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
2. Kid: “Yaya look, boats!”
Yaya: “Dows are not boats, dey’re yachts.”
Kid: “Yaya, spell yachts?”
Yaya: “Yor rayt, dey are boats.”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor’s office.
Doc: “Bottlefed?”
Woman: “Brea – stfed po.”
(Doctors squeezes woman’s breasts repeatedly)
Doc: “Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh.”
Woman: “Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten.
She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor:
“Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star.
Our yaya came back and said: “Ma’am, wala pong Inquirer
kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
6. Yaya: “Huhuhu…”
Ate: “O, bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”
Ate: “Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?”
Yaya: “Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi.”
Ate: “O, bakit ka di makatulog?”
Yaya: “Kasi po may pinoproblema ako…”
Ate: “Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?”
Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
7. (Earlier) Mom: “Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!”
(Later) Son: “Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?”
Yaya: “Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
8. Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform.
I angrily asked her, “Paano mo naman nasunog to?”
She answered: “Secret!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
9. After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out :
“Ang pangit naman, happy ending!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
10. Sir: “Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!”
Yaya: “Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
11. Mom: “Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!”
Yaya: “Ano po lulutuin ko?”
Mom: “It’s up to you.”
(During dinner) Mom: “Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?”
Yaya: “Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko,
sabi niyo, ‘kitsup tuyo’!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
12. Our neighbor’s yaya: “Junjun, chew your mouth!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
13. Our yaya sa sari-sari store: “Miss isang Coke in can
at isang Sprite na Coke in can…”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
14. SIR: “Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!”
INDAY: “Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?”
SIR: “Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!”
INDAY: “Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin…kapkeyk…”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
15. I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located.
She answered: “Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
16. “O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!”
Ate: “Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
17. We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle.
Sabi namin: “Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?”
Yaya: “Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, ‘concentrate’…”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
18. Neighbor’s yaya telling her ward to climb down the stairs:
“Down to earth! Down to earth!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
19.. My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio.
Before my mom left the house, our yaya said,
“Ma’am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
20. We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya’s son.
So one day I was reviewing him: “The Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun.
Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?” His mom, our yaya, answered:
“Parang Watson’s yata…”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
21. Sir: “Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?”
Yaya: “Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!”
Sir: “Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?”
Yaya: “Gunting, kuya! Gunting!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
22. Yaya to tricycle driver: “Magkano sa City Hall?”
Driver: “Ikaw lang?” Yaya: “Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
23. (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya)
Kuya: “Yaya…”
Yaya: “Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!”
Kuya: “Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!”
Yaya: “Si Koya naman…nagsa-suggest lang…”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
24. Kid: “Yaya, spell orange?”
Yaya: “Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
25. Midget Yaya who was newly hired:
“Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
26. Yaya to my brother: “Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?”
Bro: “Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
27. (after being scolded for breaking her promises):
“Ma’am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit…promise!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
28. We had a yaya who claimed she was being courted by a kapre
in her province and wanted to take her to his kingdom.
Her reason for turning down the offer to be his queen?
“Kapre yun ma’am, malaki ang kwan nun! Wag na uy!”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
29. AMO: “Bakit namatay ang aso?”
MAID: “Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap.”
AMO: “Nakamamatay ba yun?”
MAID: “Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na.”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
30. Yaya picking up the phone saying: “ Hilo ?”
We noticed that she was holding the handset ng baligtad.
We told her, “Yaya, baliktad!”
Then Yaya said: “Lohi?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——
31. Amo: Yaya use COOLING PLACE in a sentence.
Yaya: Sir! viry easy! iksample nagring yung phone,
(ring, ring, ring,) Yaya answered, ” HILO , WHO’S COOLING PLACE?”
December 30, 2009 at 12:26 am
Dear Dodong,
Sa susunod anak, Nido non-fat na lang ang ipadala mo sa tatang mo. Nasisira kasi ang tiyan niya sa pinadala mong Nivea Moisturing Milk…
Nagmamahal – Nanay
April 4, 2010 at 4:55 am
Courtesy of Mr. Dominic Torres:
By all Means… MARRY!
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry…. See More
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can’t face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, “What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
Henny Youngman
“I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.”
Sam Kinison
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.”
James Holt McGavran
“I’ve had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn’t.”
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you’re wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you’re right, shut up. Nash The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once…
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
Milton Berle
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous
A son asked his Dad how much it costs to get married. His Dad replied: I don’t know son, I’m still paying. A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds: “Wife wanted”. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.” Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!” Second Guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”